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A song for Ark. Feel better, buddy! ^_^ [08 Mar 2005|10:37am]
[ mood | exhausted ]

"Dear Friend"

[Verse I]
When you wake up, is it cold out in July?
Can't you warm things up, no matter how you try?
I know it's windy, and it pushes to the wall
Don't let it knock you down, but brace when you must fall
We're both damn tired of our lonely, empty beds
Visions of fulfillment floating through our heads
Just don't forget, man, that I've always got your back
To keep you standing straight, and fill in all the cracks


[Pre-chorus]
Stuff sucks, but you can't be afraid
It doesn't matter whether or not you get laid
Just don't forget, to all the ones who walk on by
You can do better, you're a damn good, stand-up guy


[Chorus]
Don't let the tough times get'cha down
It comes and goes, it's not a pleasant sound
I know it hurts to be as lonely as we are
But you know that we won't have it for forever
We'll own this world, we will, together


[Verse II]
When you get tired, rest yourself inside your space
Don't be dissuaded by the never-ending chase
When you get chilly, wrap yourself in robes of gold
We'll laugh about this if and when we both are old
And if your wounds are frozen by the bitter wind
Tie on a bandage and keep walking on
Forget about your past regrets and past mistakes
That's where they are, and now they're all long gone


[Pre-chorus]
[Chorus]


[Bridge]
Now we grow tired and so hungry / and now are faces scar and wear
But we forget the golden rule, yeah / relationships are meant to tear
Weary, exhausted, we seek shelter / where they can't get us anymore
Open this book and view the pages / our tales of long forgotten lore


[Verse III]
When you wake up, is it cold out in July?
Can't you warm things up, no matter how you try?
I know it's windy, and it pushes to the wall
Don't let it knock you down, but brace when you must fall
And if your wounds are frozen by the bitter wind
Tie on a bandage and keep walking on
Forget about your past regrets and past mistakes
That's where they are, and now they're all long gone

Our troubles, friend, are all long gone




(c)2005 Michael John Gorney. All rights reserved.
«3 shattered the illusion of integrity» ‡ «believe in the freedom of music»


A nice short screamo song. Enjoy. [08 Mar 2005|09:14am]
[ mood | aggravated ]

"Boyfriend, Girlfriend...Go Fuck Your Stupid Self"

[Verse I]
How could you lead me on like that? / You told your friend you couldn't say
You would have let me chase forever / your obligations were to stay
But I saw through your false endeavor / you held to me against your will
If just to make me feel better / and now you're drowning in your swill


[Verse II]
You would have led me on forever / but I won't see it come to life
But now it's cut off at its brain stem / and I won't stand for all your strife
You should have said in the beginning / you didn't want to be with me
And when I asked you out that evening / why was I blinded but to see


[Chorus]
You're full of shit, you always said, that you would stay outside my head
But yet you fucked me in the end
You cut me open, raw and bleeding; now your ego boost is feed
-ing off your falsified 'boyfriend'
But I won't let it pass you by, now you can kiss your ass goodbye
And hang from rafters down in Hell
My nose is bleeding but that ain't compared to what you'll have to date
Now go and fuck your stupid self


[Verse III]
I'll see you die before I'm happy / I'll see you cry before I've passed
I'll see you bruised before I take back / I guess I never should've asked
Who ever thought you'd get inside me / and lie and stab me in the back
But guess who'll be left up and laughing / as you are stretched out by the rack


[Chorus]

[Bridge]
You lying whore, you never should have let me hold you
Don't ever touch my hand again (again, again, again, again)
I'll see you bleeding, and drowning in your misery
I need a good laugh now and then (and then, and then, and then, and then)

And then...and then...

...again.




(c)2005 Michael John Gorney. All rights reserved.
«4 shattered the illusion of integrity» ‡ «believe in the freedom of music»


I wrote this one a while back. Hope y'all enjoy, especially you, Em'. [04 Mar 2005|10:21am]
[ mood | angry ]

"Syllabus"

[Verse I]
Fuck you, you fucking lied to me
Took everything you put inside of me
It's true, you ripped it all apart
Took everything you set inside my heart
Just die, because you're useless now
I knew you'd live better than me somehow
Don't cry, I'm gonna end it here
I'll go and stab myself for every single tear


[Chorus]
Was it in the syllabus to rip my heart to shreds
Was there a motherfucking thought between your empty heads
So you can both just fucking go to hell for all I care
And now you wanna act like it's all right, but don't you dare


[Verse II]
You slut, you only led me on
Thank God that someday later you'll be dead and gone
To Hell, you never cared for me
It sucks that I was blind and only couldn't see
Engaged, and then you left me fast
Too bad our cherished love was never meant to last
And then, you got engaged to him
I hope you throw your pride up 'til you're nice and thin


[Chorus]

[Verse 3]
Yes, you, you stupid piece of shit
You loved him more than you loved me, so just admit
You're wrong, because he'll ruin you
He'll do the things you made me promise not to do
To you, you unattentive whore
Too bad your truest love is loving nevermore
Drop dead, you stupid waste of space
I'd sooner kill myself then look upon your face


[Chorus]

[Bridge]
I hate your fucking ways, I hope you rot in Hell
The murderous sensation, and burning body smell
So hold on to him tight, and love his cock as yours
'Cause now you're voted in, the Hall of Fame for Whores


FUCK YOOOOOOUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Verse 4]
So now, that all is said and done
I'm really glad that, now it's over, here's some fun
Break down, and have a cigarette
Tonight is gonna be a night you won't forget
Someday, when you look back on this
You'll realize your actions were all so remiss
But now, yes now, and this is it
You had a fucking chance, but now you're all in shit


IN SHIIIIIIIIIIIIT!!!!!!!!!!!



(c)2005 Michael John Gorney. All rights reserved.
«4 shattered the illusion of integrity» ‡ «believe in the freedom of music»


I've made a decision. [04 Mar 2005|09:37am]
[ mood | pissed off ]

I've known four bassoonists, and they're all backstabbing fucks. So I dislike bassoonists in the general sense at the moment. I'm sure the cool ones exist; I just don't know any of 'em yet. Come around and prove me wrong.

«8 shattered the illusion of integrity» ‡ «believe in the freedom of music»


Mortarek: u smell like dead bunnies [03 Mar 2005|10:19am]
[ mood | lonely ]

I feel very cold and lonely. But Ark (cutmeownthroat) makes my day better. He is the frigging master of cheering people up. Ladies, ladies, ladies...date this boy.

Read more...Collapse )


Hooray for Ark. He rocks m'socks.

I really hate my damn parents. Really, I do. I just feel sick about things everytime I look at my mother. She's a fucking horrible bitch. I swear, if there was ever motivation to do well in college this time around, the prospect of never having to see her again is it. I cannot wait until she's out of my life for good.

And damnit, I left my cell phone at home today. I need to go find Natasha, she's got my damned Green Day CD (1,039/SOSH). She's burning copies of it, supposedly, but damn, Tasha, where are ya gonna be today?

...and yes, I know. Shame on me for listening to emo.
«8 shattered the illusion of integrity» ‡ «believe in the freedom of music»


This is intended to be a screamo song. Tell me what you think. [23 Feb 2005|09:15am]
[ mood | depressed ]

"Mother"

[Verse I]
You think you know everything about me / You ain't seen nothin' yet
You try to turn everything upon me / You trap me in your net
But I won't fall for your stupid head games / Your fucked up concept of time
And I won't let you suffocate me / Without a reason or rhyme


[Verse II]
I'm tired of your vicious backhand / And black and blue on my eyes
Your hurtful words, and they have no basis / Except to steal my pride
Don't try to tell me it's a human device / You animals have it, too
It must be pride that motivates your saber / The one with which I'm run through


[Chorus]
I can sense your presence, I can sense your mind
I can feel your soulless body pound me free of life
I can't tell you how many times, you've robbed me of my will
Now mother, I'm taking back the blood you've spilled


[Verse III]
When my humanity's breathing / You come and waste it to dead
I feel stabbing in my lungs and stomach / and stabbing in my head
Your logic's rusty and it's full of madness / Your bullshit won't mean a thing
'Cause in the end, when we have long expired / We cannot take worldly things


[Verse IV]
Desensitized to your violence / The times you've stolen my crown
My sense of self, my soul, my utter being / Before you've stricken me down
I can feel the dirt pile on me / The grave continues to fill
And yet I'm drowning, try to struggle relentless / As my lungs speedily fill


[Chorus]

[Bridge]
I'm not human...not even alive anymore
I can't seem to find the straw to stay alive
You're everything I abhor
You gave me everything...and took it all away
Now I have nothing left, of which to be bereft
A little closer each day
I'm getting closer each day
I'm even closer today
Please, God, just take me away


[Verse V]
I came to school with a swollen eyeball / You lacerated my face
And now a scar that will never heal / Will soon have taken its place
I just can't wait until I'm decomposing / 'Cause that means something for sure
'Cause when I'm underground and decomposing / You won't be there anymore


[Chorus x2]



(c)2005 Michael John Gorney. All rights reserved.
«7 shattered the illusion of integrity» ‡ «believe in the freedom of music»


A less pleasant song. [16 Feb 2005|01:28pm]
[ mood | pissed off ]

"Vindication"

[Verse I]
You're useless to me / you cut me in half
I'm lying there, bleeding / you stand there and laugh
But now it's all over / I'm making you pay
There's nothing to save you / there's nothing to say


[Verse II]
I'll start out by doing / what you did to me
I'll slice at the waistline / and laugh as you bleed
Then I'll sew your mouth shut / and muffle your screams
And grin at you, speechless / or so it may seem


[Chorus]
You would never bleed for me / like you know I will
You were never there for me / and you won't be, still
Tired of you laughing at / all of my mistakes
Pinning me onto the mat / until my armor breaks
And you can't hold on forever / like you say you will
But you can stare forever / if only looks could kill


[Verse III]
I'm frozen and painless / my body is numb
I can't move a muscle / and you're playing dumb
But I'll get revenge, yet / I'll put you in place
Vindictive and ruthless / expressionless face


[Chorus]

[Bridge]
Malevolence is in my game plan / and you've got nowhere to go
Forget your speed, 'cause I'll keep up, yeah / you'll always be a bit slow
There's no escape from the chains I've hammered / and you'll be trapped in my spite
The clock is ticking down to zero / until your final good night
Good night, good night, good night, good night, good night, good night, good night
Good night


[Chorus]



(c)2005 Michael John Gorney. All rights reserved.
«3 shattered the illusion of integrity» ‡ «believe in the freedom of music»


Wrote a song. Hope y'all like it. -.-; [15 Feb 2005|03:29pm]
[ mood | tired ]

"Untitled"

[Verse I]:
Picking up the broken pieces, heart is shattered on the floor
Pushed away, but no escaping, feeling tattered, hurt and worn
Even though you cannot stand him, you can't help but love him, too
In your head, you still can't brand him; he's your cause for feeling blue


[Verse II]:
Now you're through with all the head games, and you're looking for a friend
And you long for just that someone, one who's love will never end
I can't have you, all in spite of, of the heart with which I try
Come with me; you know, together, you and me will rule the skies


[Pre-chorus]:
I won't blame you for the tears that you have cried
Can you blame me for the love I have for you?
Looking in your eyes, when you are pulled aside
And I wonder, will you ever love me, too?


[Chorus]:
Passing out, I held my breath in, holding you above the water
Lacerations on my skin, fighting off your fair heart's slaughter
Never been a love to you, felt like more as if a daughter
Searing pain, from the heat spilled from your cup
Broke my spine, trying just to hold you up


[Verse III]:
When your eye is sore and swollen, and your lip is split and red
Don't forget the condescending words, to you, that he has said
When he broke your heart a dozen times, and then a dozen more
As for me, all I can do is sacrifice myself some more


[Pre-chorus]
[Chorus]


[Bridge]:
Cut off my nose to spite my face, I'm giving you a lifetime's grace
I'll be here waiting for my turn, alone, to sit, while bridges burn
I bit my tongue so many times, I'm running out of sultry rhymes
My breath is short and eyes are dry, I can't help stop and wonder why
That I need you, why I feed you, all the things you want to hear
But I swear, I wouldn't say them, if, to me you weren't so dear

I've always been true to you; and all that you see is blue
You're the one I want to miss; get me lost inside your kiss


[Verse IV]:
Picking up the broken pieces, heart is shattered on the floor
Pushed away, but no escaping, feeling tattered, hurt and worn
I can't have you, all in spite of, of the heart with which I try
Come with me; you know, together, you and me will rule the skies
Come with me; you know, together, you and me will rule the skies


[Chorus]



(c)2005 Michael John Gorney. All rights reserved.
«3 shattered the illusion of integrity» ‡ «believe in the freedom of music»


Holy shit. [15 Feb 2005|01:55pm]
[ mood | sleepy ]

I am so tired right now. Like, I'm barely even awake. I'm sitting here in the student center computer lab, and I am just passing out. History class is boring. I want no food right now, it makes me want to puke; buffalo chicken strips fill the stomach pretty quickly. Whatever. I feel icky and tired; I think I'm getting sick.

Happy Belated Valentine's Day. -.-;

«4 shattered the illusion of integrity» ‡ «believe in the freedom of music»


>.o [11 Feb 2005|09:15am]
[ mood | exhausted ]

Well, I'm sitting in computer class right now, and I swear, this is some inane bullshit here. I'm sitting here, learning how to use Microsoft Excel when I already know everything I'll need to know about it to pass this part of the class with flying colors. -.-; Then again, not everybody does, so I suppose it's only fair that this guy start with the basics. He's a fairly cool professor, and has a very nice demeanor, so I can't fault him over it.

In other news, I'm tired. I was awake until 2:00 this morning. Mom bitched about my phone bill and, as usual, is threatening to take my phone away. Psh. Don't worry about it; even if she does, I'll get it back soon enough, and y'all will have ways to contact me otherwise anyways.

Ugh, I guess that's about it. I need sleep. And quitting smoking is NOT easy. But I'm working on it, and I'm doing fairly well with it. I've cut down so much from what I used to smoke, and I don't really use smoking as a cure for boredom anymore. Fuck y'all who have a stronger will than me. ;p

Oh, and by the way, for all you Montclair State Folks, I'll have my guitar with me on Thursday of next week (2/17/05). Swing by and say hello, I'll play you some pretty music. =3 If you've got my cell number, feel free to buzz me. At 11:30am, I'll be in Life Hall, Room 220, in Dr. Gilbert's Freshman Experience class. Drop by and say hi. You know what I look like. ;3 If you don't, you either don't read my journal, or you don't know me at all. Click on any of the seven links at the top of my journal next to the Photo Opportunities title. Much love to you all, I'm off to lose some intelligence by watching this guy act like a schmuck.

...damnit, I wish I had a cigarette. Stupid quitting bullshit... *grumble*

«4 shattered the illusion of integrity» ‡ «believe in the freedom of music»


Quick layout update. [08 Feb 2005|05:04pm]
[ mood | accomplished ]

I changed around a couple of the text colors (barely noticably) and a few effects. Changed the font to Arial, too. Oh, and I'm also regularly updating my DeadJournal again, too, but the layout looks shitty, and I'm not sure how to fix it. Check out the linklist at the top of the page, it now has pictures for viewing instead of songs to download.

Oh, and by the way, if there's a way to have a MIDI file play in the background of my LiveJournal without needing to upgrade to a Paid Membership, please let me know.

«4 shattered the illusion of integrity» ‡ «believe in the freedom of music»


Lamentation [07 Feb 2005|09:30am]
[ mood | scared ]

Uncle Bill (my late uncle's son) asked me at the wake on Thursday night to be a pallbearer. He said that my great uncle wanted it to happen, and though nervous, I obliged after a few reassuring words from my father.

The funeral was bittersweet, to say the least. I spent quite a bit of time in the car, waiting an hour to arrive back in East Brunswick for the process to start. After we all stopped at the funeral home fairly briefly, before we began the procession to a church in Edison, I stood upon the left side of the casket. In front of me was my father, and behind me, my Uncle Gary (dad's brother). On the other side were my three cousins (Uncle Bill's grandchildren). Jonathan was in front, followed by Scott, and then Matthew. On the way in, a bagpiper was playing "Amazing Grace," and as such,I almost lost it. It was very poignant, and I found myself biting my lip to keep from crying as we walked into the church.

After about an hour (at least, it seemed like it), we hopped back into the car and followed the procession all the way up the NJ Turnpike to North Arlington, NJ (for those of you who aren't familiar with the town, it's right next to Lyndhurst and Rutherford). We went to the cemetary there (where, consequently, there are a few other relatives buried as well) and parked, and then entered a large mausoleum-type building. The priest there gave a short, but maudlin speech, and we walked up to pay our final respects to William J. Valia.

So vividly will the image of walking by that casket and touching it lightly as I walked by, stopping briefly as I did to allow a few tears to fall from my eyes. It was, as I said, bittersweet; I broke my stride for a moment, only to let a few much-needed tears to escape my closed eyes. I can remember the exact look on my grandmother's face when she walked up to her brother's casket; it was distraught, broken. Never in my life have I seen that woman cry, and when I did, it destroyed me. I never had to deal with that feeling of seeing such a woman cry, and when I did, I was ill-prepared, to say the least.

After the final respects, we headed to a fairly elegant restaurant for the repass. The food was all right; as good as it could be, given the circumstances of attendance.

Before I end this entry, I would like to show to you all the message on the back of the commemorative cards we received before we left.



In Loving Memory of

William J. Valia, Sr.
June 8, 1933
January 31, 2005


LOVE LIVES ON


Those we love remain with us for love itself lives on, and cherished memories never fade because a loved one's gone...

Those we love can never be more than a thought apart, for as long as there is memory, they'll live on in the heart.



And finally, to close, a song.



Rest

Hey, can you hear me? I'm calling your name
Hello, or is this goodbye?
That gleam in your eye, it troubles my brain
Will I see it again?

So I can rest my head

Angel! Angel! Dancing away,
As all of my thoughts get rearranged
Angel! Angel! Turning away,
Just when things seemed to have changed

So I can rest my head

Hey, can you hear me? I'm calling your name
Hello, or is this goodbye?
That gleam in your eye, it troubles my brain
Will I see it again?

So I can rest my head
So I can rest my head
«5 shattered the illusion of integrity» ‡ «believe in the freedom of music»


It's time for a little break from insanity... [02 Feb 2005|09:23am]
[ mood | anxious ]

...with a mindless, stupid quiz.

How Ska Am I?Collapse )

The wakes will be tomorrow, and the funeral will be on Friday. Not sure where, or what times, but I imagine the funeral will be very early on. given the size of the many factions of my family, I expect there might be close to (if not more than) a good hundred people there. ._.;

This fucking drives me insane. Everything is so chaotic, everyone is down. I'm worried, man. Really, I am. Nothing makes one aware of one's own mortality than the loss of a loved one, especially a loved one as wonderful as my uncle was. Ugh, I feel sick over it. I mean, I can at least look on the good sides of things; he was a great man, and he was incredibly intelligent. He was a driver - that is, of tractor trailers - for a good long time. I can still remember his retirement party. During the middle, my brother, father and I went for a short walk around the area of the venue it took place in, and we stopped into this sports collectables store. No big deal, but something tha really struck me as odd is that on the way home, it was raining on the other side of the highway, but the sun was out, and it was dry on our car's side. You usually don't see that kind of weather in New Jersey; it usually tends to be a Florida thing, from what Iv'e seen and understand. I remember it like it was yesterday, though, the images are so vivid in mny head. I can remember far back to when I was very young, when I was over my cousins' (Jonathan, Matthew, and Scott - his grandchildren) house. It didn't happen often, but when it did, we stayed for the full day, from beginning to end. We played video games of all sorts, went out and did things like run through the yard or play on whatever sort of water-based thing that was outside (a sprinkler or a Slip-n-Slide, if it was warm enough out), we'd all eat dinner in different rooms of the house...all in all, the memories are bittersweet, but I guess, many memories of a lost loved one tend to be.

«3 shattered the illusion of integrity» ‡ «believe in the freedom of music»


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